The week after..

When I was 15 a friend's dog passed away. She was crying a lot, literally inconsolable. I never understood her pain. I thought it was silly how she was mourning for a dog.

Afterall.. it was just a dog. An animal...

I was never allowed to have pets as a child, my dad didn't think our house was big enough and my mum just doesn't have much of a thing for pets.

I learnt to communicate and love animals as I got older through Daphne whose house is full of pets. I remember the first time I met Sheba her hyper excited Dalmation cross dog, I was so scared I ran for my life! Of course that didn't help... Sheba thought I was playing and chased me even more.

Daphne also had a cat called Baby who strangely liked me very much. It was Baby who stole my heart and helped me discover my love for animals. Sadly, Baby passed away a few years ago and I never got to say goodbye.

I was very sad but nothing would have prepared me for last Thursday.

Two Thursdays ago we took Jake to the vet for a full x-ray because the vet was not too happy with his health in an initial consultation.

We took him in early in the morning and left him there for the day. I remember how sad he looked when he saw us leave.

Later in the afternoon the vet called to say that he was done with the x-ray and the results were not good. Jake had numerous giant nodules in his chest and the vet suspects it is lung cancer.

We took Jake home with some antibiotics and steroids to help with the cancer and also with the knowledge that he will not be with us for much longer.

We were obviously devastated by that but we decided to hold strong for Jake and make him happy whatever time he had left. Maybe.. we still had a month or if we were very lucky, two..

As the week passed Jake began to deteriorate. At first he was constantly panting and couldn't get up as easily.. later on his back legs started failing him but what kept us on was his consistant appetite and cheeky ways.

We went to the Billingsgate Market early Saturday morning and bought a whole salmon so that he could have them for his meals (he loved salmon).. occasionally he got chicken.. anything he liked eating he got. We even bought the cranberry oat yoghurt clusters from M & S that he loved so much.

We figured as long as he kept eating properly he would have the energy to hopefully repel the cancer and get better.

He continued to stay with us until last Thursday when his front legs also failed him.

He couldn't get up despite persistantly trying and even with our help his legs were just too weak to carry on.

I knew deep inside that we would have to let him go soon.

As Jake couldn't get up, he couldn't go outside to relieve himself and had to pee wherever he was laying down. It broke my heart to see him feel so guilty and sorry for dirtying the floor. He kept looking at me as if to say I'm sorry mummy I couldn't help it.

As the afternoon progressed, Jake got worse. He started bleeding from the nose. I gave the husband a call and asked if he could take the rest of the day off and come home to spend his last few hours with Jakey.

He came home and got some time with Jakey before we had to drive him to the vet and let him go.

Our vet, Tim was very understanding of our pain and did the best to make it as easy for us as possible.

Jake laid down at the back seat of our car with his head on my lap throughout the whole journey. It was going to be our last car ride together.

Tim was kind and offered to put Jake down in the car where he was comfortable with me. I got to hold our baby as he drifted off to sleep. The husband was next to us comforting Jake. As he died he left us a smile as if to say thank you.

We are still grieving for Jake of course but we are learning to cope with life without him. At least there are still the bunnies and Bronx with us.

Bronx is also missing Jake but he is adapting to life as the only dog. We are hoping he will get used to the bunnies and find company in them.

Jakey, it's been a week since you left and we haven't stopped missing you. We will always love and remember you and your beautiful eyes and your smile. We hope you are now able to run and do everything you couldn't while you were ill.

Though.. please don't steal God's slippers when he's not looking or give him your puppy dog eyes when he eats KFC. :)

We love you baby boy.

Bronx and Jake smiling in their sleep