"It would be nice ladies and gentlemen if we could mind the closing does. Contrary to popular belief, beep-beep-beep does not mean 'Quick, get on the train it's about to leave'; beep-beep-beep in fact means 'You've missed it'"
and, on the same train 10 minutes later
"Ladies and gents, I'm afraid the train has developed a slight fault, I'm going to have to turn it off and on again much like you would a computer. Back on the move again in a minute or two"
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