Here comes the sun

My grandparents and brother have become people I learn to appreciate more everyday as I grow up.

The husband is an only child and never really got to know his grandparents (either they passed away before he came around or family circumstances didn't allow him to get to know them).

Looking at him sometimes, I feel a sense of pity because he is so oblivious to what he's missing. He doesn't feel it because he doesn't know what it's like to have grandparents or siblings but I feel for him.

I've always been very close to my maternal grandparents and paternal grandmother. The paternal grandfather was a little bit of an odd man. He was a good provider but never really reached out emotionally to know me or many of my cousins.

My paternal grandmother passed away when I was 7 but until today I can vaguely remember what she sounds like and when she held my hand and took me to the morning market for breakfast and some sweets. I remember the food she cooked and how her face lit up when the 4 year old me unconsciously ate almost the whole plate of onion egg meant for 7 people she cooked earlier.

Of course my mum made me feel guilty about it but I remember my grandmother smiling. And who's to blame her, today I would grin like a silly pig if L ate all the egg fried rice I made for him.

My maternal grandparents live not 5 minutes walk away from my house in Ipoh and I love them to bits! They're not terribly interesting people, no school education, no university degree not much of a view on politics and always paranoid about rapists, thieves and second hand smoke but they care in a different way.

The point is, they're always there when I need them and they love me in a different way.

My 'Ah Kong' is a quiet man who's worked hard all his life and loves going out on his old bicycle. He doesn't say much at all but he used to buy me and my two girl cousins who used to live with them interesting cheap 20cent toys whenever he could afford it.

It didn't matter that the toys were cheap, it mattered that he saw an interesting toy and spared what he could afford to see a smile on our faces.

I remember once when I was about 10 I came home and there was a river terrapin in a bucket at the porch of his house. I asked if he was going to eat it and added that I thought it cruel to eat an animal like that (it is quite hard to kill a river terrapin because of the thick shell). He smiled and said 'No, I'm not going to eat it, I bought it back from the market and I'm taking him back to the river tomorrow.'

I thought he was lying and asked how he was going to bring the terrapin to the river. He said he was going to take it on a bus ride to the Kinta River (about 30 minutes away) and release it there.

It made me very pleased to know that my Ah Kong was not cruel. I like to imagine Ah Kong on the bus with his river terrapin in a bucket going on a ride.

My 'Ah Ma' on the other hand is a very noisy old lady. She loves to talk and nag. Nag nag nag. Did you bring your ointment for mosquito bites? Did you bring the cure for wind? Are you staying in a well lit area? Is your neighbour dodgy? Why do you go to London alone without your husband?

The thing is.. London doesn't really have mozzies unlike Malaysia. It took a while and a few other people telling her the same thing before she eventually believed me and stopped supplying me with Tiger Balm every time I got on the plane.

It is strange though how I tend to miss her nagging now that she's no longer 5 minutes away from me. I call her every now and then to get a dose of it and to see how she's doing.

It is exhausting business calling my family.

The brother and father pretty much fights over the phone and who gets to talk for more minutes so by the time I end the call, 2 or sometimes 3! hours would have passed by.

The grandmother is no different. She could easily clock 2 hours on a good day.

It is very difficult to have to see the people you love growing old. My grandmother was 48 when I was born. This year she is 71. I cannot remember my grandmother when she was 48, but my mother is 47 this year and I can quite easily imagine what my grandmother was like 23 years ago.

And although I do dread calling them sometimes because once I start, the entire afternoon could have gone by by the time I do put the phone down, I feel lucky that at least I have family to call.

I feel lucky knowing that my brother will always be there to share half my burden and to disturb me on Facebook and make me stay on Skype with him because it's dark and he has to finish his homework and doesn't want to be alone.

I feel lucky knowing that I can make my grandmother happy when I find time to call her and that she's always thinking of me and wondering what I'm up to.

They really are the sunshine in my life.

It would be a real shame if my children cannot have everything that I have because of our circumstances now but at least I know my parents will be excellent grandparents one day(because they make excellent parents as long as they don't have to discipline anyone!).